Leading up to my delivery, I felt so assured that I had made all the big decisions prior to my baby’s arrival. What I didn’t know at the time is that I, in fact, had not prepped or felt ready to make the bigger, more important decisions that most people call “simple.” As a first time mom, the following simple decisions felt not so simple to me.
Not So Simple Decision #1: Vaccines During Pregnancy
I’ll start with one of the most controversial topics first 😉
Let me start by saying that I’m NOT anti-vax. I was in the military and had far more pokes than the average American! It’s just that prior to being pregnant, I always thought of pregnancy as a time to be more cautious. If I had to be more selective with foods and drinks, along with lowering stress as much as possible.
So with this knowledge, my thought process was if a glass of wine could affect the baby, then maybe an immune response from vaccines could affect her as well.
My decision: No.
Not So Simple Decision #2: Epidural and Pitocin
My plan was to do an all natural birth and deliver at the hospital, so I was initially against an epidural and Pitocin because I knew they could stress the baby.
Well… baby had other plans.
I was in early labor for approximately 36 hours before my water broke. I say approximately because my water broke at the top and not the bottom, so I had no idea it had happened until I went to the hospital a second time. (The first time I was turned away at 24 hours because I was only 2 cm dilated.)
They did a test and saw it had broken. There was still a pocket of fluid down by her head, so they suspected that’s why my labor was taking so long to progress.
By the 50-hour mark I was soooo exhausted and running on basically no sleep. I made the call to get the epidural and start Pitocin to help move things along. They also broke the water sac at the bottom by her head and that helped significantly. After I was on Pitocin, my baby came 6 hours later.
My decision: Yes and yes. Absolutely no regrets.
Not So Simple Decision #3: Hep B Vaccine, Eye Ointment, and Vitamin K Shot
We decided no on the Hep B vaccine because I knew she would be at a super low risk of exposure (most of Europe does this as well).
I was told the eye ointment was for if I had an unknown STI where the bacteria could cause blindness in my baby. While I was 100% positive I didn’t have an STI, my husband felt very strongly about the eye ointment on the off chance I had a bad bacteria that could cause blindness, so we ended up giving her that.
To be honest, the Vitamin K shot was also a hard decision for me because I kept wondering: why are babies born with low vitamin K in nature? Is injecting her with formaldehyde when she’s less than an hour old wise?
Ultimately though, I was thinking about the car ride home from the hospital (which I was so scared for), and I knew I would never forgive myself if we got in an accident and she got hurt. So we said yes to that as well.
My decision: No, yes, and yes.
Not So Simple Decision #4: Do I Try to Exclusively Breastfeed?
If there’s one thing I really wasn’t expecting, it’s how much my boobs and nipples would change after birth (and continue to do so weeks after)! I believe people when they say that breast milk is literally liquid gold and has so many benefits. I mean, your body even changes the milk based on their saliva… like how cool is a woman’s body?!
But I won’t lie, it was hard, especially the first three weeks. It hurt so bad and my nipples cracked and bled. There were many moments where I wanted to stop.
Luckily my nipples got real tough and I stopped feeling like crying every time she latched. I’m also so incredibly lucky that I have a good supply, but I totally understand how stressful and scary it can be for women who can’t produce enough.
Since I am able to exclusively breastfeed, I’ll try and continue. I’m unsure for how long, but my goal right now is up to 6 months and to have enough pumped and stored in the freezer to wean and use the freezer supply until she’s a year old.
My decision: Yes.
Not So Simple Decision #5: Do I Let Her “Cry It Out” So She Learns to Self Soothe?
Ok, so we get home from the hospital and the very first night she falls asleep and I place her in the bassinet. She’s two days old. Shortly after, she begins to stir and cry a little. My husband and I are exhausted and I wait to see what she does. Soon she starts to cry, like full on panic cry.
At this point I had never heard her really cry, especially this hard, and my heart was breaking. I immediately went to reach for her and my husband said, “No, let her cry it out and she’ll learn to self soothe.”
Everything in me was telling me this was wrong, but I listened to my husband. She continued to cry for another minute or so and at that point I was almost crying because it hurt me so incredibly bad.
It was in that moment that I knew I had to trust my intuition. She’s my baby and I’m going to do what I know in my heart is right. I reached in, pulled her up to me, and held her tight. She was only 2 days old for God’s sake! Newborns don’t need to learn to self soothe. They need love and comfort. They need their moms.
My decision: NO!!!
Not So Simple Decision #6: Bassinet or Co-Sleep?
The bassinet is one of the purchases I splurged on. After hours of research, I ended up buying a $200 Dua Design bassinet with a non toxic mattress and wooden rocking stand.
Little did I know my baby would HATE it.
She’s almost two months old now and her longest stretch in the bassinet lasted about 1.5 hours. Usually she’d last half that amount of time. After a few days of being absolutely exhausted waking up every 30 to 45 minutes calming her down, placing her back in, and then waking up again, I finally caved and took her into bed.
I did a 3 a.m. Google search on how to safely co-sleep and I’ve never looked back. I do hope that one day I can leave her in the bassinet before she outgrows it though!
My decision: Co-sleeping.
Not So Simple Decision #7: Strict Sleep and Feeding Schedule
I’m type A through and through, so I dreamt of having my baby on a regimented schedule.
Oh how quickly I folded (like most things with my baby it seems!).
Now I let her sleep and eat whenever she wants. I’ve learned that newborns don’t really abide by the structures we adults have learned to love and crave.
They’re more go-with-the-flow, something maybe I should learn to do more of.
My decision: No.
Not So Simple Decision #8: Posting My Baby’s Face Online
I’ve felt strongly about this one since the Epstein files blew up.
I’m acutely aware that there are many creeps in this world, and with over 85 million pictures and videos depicting child sexual abuse circulating around the web (and growing!!), I don’t want my baby to get caught up in it. Especially now with AI, I’ve made the effort to not show my baby’s face online.
I also want her to make her own decisions on what she shares about herself online. When she’s older and wants to start posting online, she can. But before then, I won’t do it.
No shame to any parent who does post their child because after having my baby, I totally get it. I’m defintely erring on the side of extreme caution. I also think she’s the cutest baby in the world and I want to show her off to everyone I know. But for her safety and my peace of mind, I’m refraining.
My decision: No.
Not So Simple Decision #9: Daycare
I find myself very fortunate that I don’t have to go back to work anytime soon for professional or financial reasons. If a mom wants to go back to work sooner rather than later, more power to her! But for women that do not want to go back to work (especially after only 6 weeks!), my heart truly goes out to them. I know there’s a very loud and vocal Women’s Right movement, but I honestly believe that if they raised the issue of maternity leave to the same level as abortion, that could potentially benefit not only women, but the next generation of children as well.
Also, this is just my personal opinion, I don’t want her in daycare where she could potentially be abused and she can’t talk to tell me about it. I understand that’s an extreme circumstance, but this is my baby and I’m so protective of her.
I think there is a strong possibility in the future that I will consider daycare once she can talk so I can pursue a new career or schooling. But until then, I’m soaking in every moment of being a stay at home mom.
My decision: No.
Not So Simple Decision #10: Vaccines at the Two-Month Appointment
6 shots in one visit…that’s a lot even for me! But that’s exactly what they recommend giving every newborn in the U.S. Again, I’m not anti-vax, but my gut feel is that it seems very aggressive for such a tiny baby. I’m the type of person that gets a little fever and feels like crap after the flu shot, so to get six in one, I know that would make me feel awful.
I may also be chronically online because I am scared of how vaccines can cause neurological issues in children. I would be lying to say I wasn’t! It was easy for me a few years ago to laugh in those people’s faces, but when you are suddenly put in that situation yourself and it’s your baby, the fear becomes much more real.
It’s also hard to research this because there is so much hate against concerned parents online. People just throw around statements like, “It’s safe, look at the data,” but then don’t provide nuanced discussions or studies.
Like:
- Does the vaccine lessen symptoms or provide immunity more or less?
- How many kids did have reactions?
- What does the long term data actually say?
A lot of the data on young babies who got these illnesses has unreported vaccine status. So with the very few cases that do report vaccination status, it’s hard for me as a parent to justifiably feel safe with the data. In some cases like pertussis, most children that contracted pertussis had at least one vaccine against it! Click on the link to see what I see: http://chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/media/pdfs/2026/02/363295-A_FS_PertussisSurveillanceReport_011626_508pass.pdf
Anyways, I honestly need to do more research and deep dive into this more. In the meantime, I’ve decided to give her one vaccine at her first appointment (probably DTaP or PCV, I haven’t decided yet) and see how she reacts and go from there.
My goal is to have her up to date on all the required vaccines before kindergarten. I made a plan and I’m going to propose it to my baby’s pediatrician to see what she thinks. If you want to know my reasoning and the schedule I’ve made, please reach out privately and I can explain it more!
Looking Ahead…
I’m only two months into motherhood but I’m sure there will be endless decisions that I’ll have to make as a parent that scare me.
But I think that’s just how motherhood or fatherhood can feel.
I think the important thing is to always follow your instincts and stay open minded to all options because at the end of the day, I only want what’s best for my baby!
If you have any feedback or a different perspective, I would love to hear it! Please reach out <3
